Dazed and Confused

Over the last month Sir and I have fallen off track. I have been hurt and cannot seem to help him understand what happened or what I need. 

He spent so much time trying to control a situation with his brother that he forgot to maintain control of us. 

I gave him the gift of my submission and it seemed his brother and who he was hanging out with was more important. Needless to say I was hurt. Better yet, I am hurt.

I did my best to be a good little girl. I really did try. After awhile the pain go to be so much that I just acted out. I watched us slowly almost return to the way it was and Sir started blaming me for everything going wrong.

I understand that if I keep the proper mindset it helps Sir keep the mindset as well. However I do not feel that if control is lost that it is the submissive's fault. I as the submissive can only do so much to keep everything afloat. In the end it is Sir's ultimate responsibility to keep it all going and when it doesn't he should take responsibility for that. If I wanted to control everything then I wouldn't be the submissive. Of course this is all my opinion.

I finally called an extended downtime. We needed to talk and we needed a long time to do it. I told Sir that he needed to get control of himself before he could control anything else.

Once I finally got the guts to bring up the issues to Sir I felt the conversation went really well. I told him I was hurt and what I needed from him. It seemed as though I got through. Outside of the bedroom Sir was doing things to get back on track but my mind has not been accepting them and I know it. At this point I think I am more hurt then I thought and now I am protecting myself because it was so easy for Sir to loose control before and hurt me how is this time going to be any different. Now inside the bedroom Sir is still treating me like a delicate flower even though I expressed to him that I am his whore and I want to be treated as such. I don't know if maybe he's afraid to be that  rough with a women or what. I even explained in things he was doing and how I would prefer him to do it. 

In the end I do not feel like we can move forward until Sir acknowledges what he has done wrong, what he needs to do better and actually starts doing them. I need to know that I am not going to be dropped again. No submissive likes to feel dropped and as a little too I feel its more damaging when Daddy lets you down in such a way that you are afraid to trust him with your submission again.

I miss Daddy. I miss how things were and the amazing connection we have when everything is in alignment. There is no doubt that this is the life I want. This is the life I need to survive in this world and feel "normal". I hope that one day Sir and I will get back to the good days! :)

Big shout out to my bestie who has been by my side through this whole thing and given me encouraging words and wisdom. I wouldn't be able to do life with out her!! I love you Darling.. You are the greatest friend a little girl could ask for!! :)

Its Someone's Birthday....

IT'S MY BESTIE'S BIRTHDAY!! 

I met Darling on LK's website.  She posted about DD/bg and pretty much the rest is history. She opened my eyes to my little side and has helped me let her out. 

Our relationships has blossomed into such a beautiful mega bestie relationship and I am soooooo blessed to get to call her my mega bestie. :)

She is a beautiful women! 

She is an adorable little! 


She is an anal princess whore!

She is a good girl!

She is strong!

She is loving!

She is sweet!

She is kind!

She is sincere!

She is helpful!

She is my MEGA BESTIE!!


This life and my life has been made better with her in it! 

Darling you are such an amazing friend and you have helped me more then you probably know. I am so happy to have you in my life. I am so proud of the obstacles you have recently overcome. I am so proud of the beautiful blog you created and how you are sharing your little with everyone. I want to scream from the roof tops "YUP THAT'S MY BESTIE LOOK AT HER FLY!!!" I am sooooo excited for the new adventure you are taking with your Sir. Your Daddy is one amazing man and I am so glad you have him in your life. As long as you have him you should never be afraid of the monsters. They can't get you. Your Daddy will protect you!! I can't wait for the first time we get to hang out face to face.. oh the little things we will do. Our Daddy's may not know what to do with us!! hehe. 

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I cannot wait to hear what fun your Daddy has planned for you. :) 

We are Elsa and Anna.. You and Me... FOREVER!! Sisters at heart! Facing the monsters with the help of our Daddy's and little hand in little hand! 

I love you dearly my Darling!!!!!!! :)

BIRTHDAY PRINCESS'

OH EM GEE!!!! 

My birthday and my besties birthday are three days apart and they are coming up in less then two weeks!! Woot Woot! Can't wait to shower my bestie with gifts. Don't have much but everything will come wrapped in love and sealed with a kiss. hehe

Just wanted to share the awesomeness.. Thanks for reading!! :)

Fairy Godmother

If anyone sees my Fairy Godmother please tell her I could use her help.

OR

If you have one I can borrow that would be great too.

Keeping my head up because no matter how gloomy it has looked in the past everything has always worked out for the better and we have never gone without what we needed.

Come out, Come out, Wherever you are!

My Sadist Daddy(Sir) came out to play a couple weeks ago.

Lately I have felt as though my Sir is a Sadist of sorts he just hasn't admitted it. I think he believes a Sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain and I on the other hand after lots of reading see a Sadist as someone who enjoys making their submissive squirm but not always in pain. hehe.

It was Sunday and lately that day has become our play day. Sir's little brother is normally out of the house for the night and Sundays are our day of rest and relaxation before the week starts so nothing big is going on. This Sunday also happens to be the last chance we are going to get before our trip to Seattle for a wedding.

It started out like most playtime does. Sir gets everything set up an I am positioned at the foot of the bed with my hands on the foot board, legs spread, back arched! My heart started to race... I HAD NOT GOTTEN ANY IMPACT FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS.. I thought I was going to explode from excitement. hehe

Sir started the warm up which I believe was more for him then me. I was really worried it was going to hurt bad since it had been so long but it turned out to be such a blissful feeling. I was then moved from standing to "ass up" position. The impact continued and at one point Sir was standing over me straddling my body and I thought I was going to pass out from the Dominance seeping from his pores. For the first time he used every implement we had on hand for impact and the transition from one to the other was smooth. It was like he was a pro all of a sudden. It was hot to say the least. Now this is where my idea of a Sadist comes to play. Then for the first time Sir "tortured" me with the wand. He let it run over my lady parts and watched my body respond and then moved it. He did that over and over again. Then he tickled my feet with it but I wasn't allowed to respond or move and he continued to go over my feet until I obeyed as such. I could see the pleasure in his eyes from repeatedly either bringing me close to pleasure and denying me OR from tickling me and not letting me laugh or move. That definitely sounds like Sadist material to me.

I was trying to tell my bestie about the night but I think I was completely lost in Sir's Dominance alone and not what he was doing to me. It was like nothing I have felt yet and I am finding it really hard to explain. It was definitely exactly what I needed and I enjoyed it so thoroughly I am not sure how I made it through.

Can't wait to have that feeling again!!

Purple Princess

It has been a long time since this little has seen any impact play. I have been missing it oh so terribly.

The other night my Sir's brother stayed at a friends house meaning we had the whole house to ourselves. Sir decided we were gonna have some playtime.

I asked Sir if I could please get some spankings. He of course said he would think about it. I think my Sir is a sadist he just hasn't really admitted it yet. Lol.

A few minutes later he had me get into the kneel position on our big red chair. When he was ready he had me grab the back of the chair and arch my back. My heart started to race I was so excited. I haven't gotten a good long spanking in two maybe three months. I fell into the rhythm quickly and was drifting off to sleep... Literally. It felt so good and Sir did not start out slow. I woke up the next morning with beautiful purple marks. They do not hurt at all and it doesn't affect sitting and because of that Sir doesn't like using any none bruising stuff. He enjoys seeing the marks he leaves on me for days after the fact. Sadist anyone.. Hehe.

I was talking to my dear friend who might as well be my twin plus 21 years. :) I told her about my fun and she didn't understand how my marks were purple so with Sir's permission I sent a pic that only showed the marks but not everything. Hehe. Her response "and you said you didn't take sexy selfies on demand". I think I blushed. I love her! :)

So happy we are on the road back to regular activities. It seems Sir's Dom shoes are more comfortable since surgery then they were before. I pushed a button and got the look so quick I almost cried. He has never been that quick. I quickly realized I better stop messing around if I ever want to see my normal skin color on my rear again. Hehe.

Let It Go

Elsa

So I have been stewing over this post for some time. 

My newest favorite movie is Frozen hands down. The first time I saw this movie was before Sir and I switched to DD/bg. So the song "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel, the actress that plays Elsa, wasn't really more then a song to me. Then a friend and I were discussing my blog and her starting a blog and really letting it all out there and being us without fear of anything else. We also at that time were discussing how she was a little afraid to post on the LK's forum about being a little but she did anyone. Then one day the words to this song just clicked in my head. It doesn't just fit for submissive's coming out as littles. It fits for all submissive's and their D/s against the world. We should all let it go and let the world see us for who we really are and not care. 

If you haven't seen the movie the short of it is Elsa has the power to turn things to ice and snow and after accidentally hurting her little sister she goes into hiding and doesn't show her powers to anyone. Then one thing leads to another one day and the whole town finds out here powers and so she runs away and just decides to let it go and be herself, powers and all. 

Here are the words, after reading them you will understand a little more:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

Not a footprint to be seen

A kingdom of isolation,

And it looks like I’m the queen.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see

Be the good girl you always have to be

Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know

Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go

Can’t hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn away and slam the door

I don’t care

What they’re going to say

Let the storm rage on,

The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I’m free

Let it go, let it go

I am one with the wind and sky

Let it go, let it go

You’ll never see me cry

Here I stand

And here I'll stay

Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground

My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around

And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast

I’m never going back,

The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go

And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Let it go, let it go

That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand

In the light of day

Let the storm rage on,

The cold never bothered me anyway

So to my dear dear friend still on the edge about starting a blog.. LET IT GO!! Let everyone else see the beautiful Little you are that I get to see everyday. 

To any lurkers out there.. Let it go.. Let yourself be known to the rest of us. We won't bite I promise. We want to welcome you in to the craziness! :)

To anyone else on the edge about D/s, DD/bg, M/s. Let It Go!!! Jump right in. Be you and let everyone see it! Its such a beautiful world on the other side! :)  

LET IT GO!!!!!!!!