Let It Go

Elsa

So I have been stewing over this post for some time. 

My newest favorite movie is Frozen hands down. The first time I saw this movie was before Sir and I switched to DD/bg. So the song "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel, the actress that plays Elsa, wasn't really more then a song to me. Then a friend and I were discussing my blog and her starting a blog and really letting it all out there and being us without fear of anything else. We also at that time were discussing how she was a little afraid to post on the LK's forum about being a little but she did anyone. Then one day the words to this song just clicked in my head. It doesn't just fit for submissive's coming out as littles. It fits for all submissive's and their D/s against the world. We should all let it go and let the world see us for who we really are and not care. 

If you haven't seen the movie the short of it is Elsa has the power to turn things to ice and snow and after accidentally hurting her little sister she goes into hiding and doesn't show her powers to anyone. Then one thing leads to another one day and the whole town finds out here powers and so she runs away and just decides to let it go and be herself, powers and all. 

Here are the words, after reading them you will understand a little more:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

Not a footprint to be seen

A kingdom of isolation,

And it looks like I’m the queen.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see

Be the good girl you always have to be

Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know

Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go

Can’t hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn away and slam the door

I don’t care

What they’re going to say

Let the storm rage on,

The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I’m free

Let it go, let it go

I am one with the wind and sky

Let it go, let it go

You’ll never see me cry

Here I stand

And here I'll stay

Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground

My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around

And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast

I’m never going back,

The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go

And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Let it go, let it go

That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand

In the light of day

Let the storm rage on,

The cold never bothered me anyway

So to my dear dear friend still on the edge about starting a blog.. LET IT GO!! Let everyone else see the beautiful Little you are that I get to see everyday. 

To any lurkers out there.. Let it go.. Let yourself be known to the rest of us. We won't bite I promise. We want to welcome you in to the craziness! :)

To anyone else on the edge about D/s, DD/bg, M/s. Let It Go!!! Jump right in. Be you and let everyone see it! Its such a beautiful world on the other side! :)  

LET IT GO!!!!!!!!

So much..

So much on my mind and going on in my life I cannot seem to find the words for anything. 

Life is busy over here. Feels like I just drive to town (23 miles away) every other day. 

33 year old woman causing drama in my house over my little brother 12 years younger then her. Oh boy was that fun to deal with. 

I just started work two days ago which adds to the to do list but we need the money so I will make it work. 

Then the house is falling apart. lol. I have a cupboard door off, my washer decided it didn't want to spin all the water out anymore unless the washer is only half full, then there are kitchen floor tiles coming up, my carpets look a hot mess and I am worried that when my landlord shows up to turn the sprinklers on he is going to be upset with the look of the place. 

Thank goodness for my friends in this lifestyle that check in on me and keep me sane. My life wouldn't be the same without you!! :)

HOWEVER all that aside (except the friends part. hehe) Sir and I were able to have SEX.. like real sex!! Which means we are getting closer to being able to go back to playtime. Its been a couple months since the last time we played. This girl is going a little nuts. 

Sir and I are still working out all the kinks (hehe) and getting back on track in our D/s. By back on track I mean implementing rules again and adjusting what needs to be adjusted since the change in dynamic from D/s to DD/bg. This time off from bedroom play helped us focus more on outside the bedroom and I am so thrilled. For a little bit I felt like it was just bedroom D/s for Sir and now I know he's all in as am I.

Hoping for a slower few days soon. 

Mindblowing

The last couple weeks have been amazing despite Sir's surgery. I feel as though I have found me!!!! Since the start almost 4 short months ago I have felt that I wasn't complete as a submissive but I didn't know what else there could be. Then a post on LK's forum changed all that and brought to light the side of me I have spent so many years hiding.

It never ceases to amaze me how this lifestyle, if truly honestly in it, brings out ALL of you. There is no hiding parts and it'll show you a side of you that you never knew existed or hadn't acknowledged was there. It might not happen all at once but eventually it will happen.

Sir and I have done a lot of talking and research and sending stuff back and forth the last couple weeks. In all honesty its probably been longer then a couple weeks but I've lost track of time. Then one day Sir made a decision and its been bliss ever since. I no longer feel as though I'm forcing myself to be submissive. It's all natural and flows from me. Its as normal to me as waking up. I feel absolutely complete and absolute elated about it. Sir has changed too and our connection is so much better. Realizing this side of myself seems to have made him understand me more.We haven't even had a disagreement about D/s and whether or not one is doing something right or not and vice versa.

I am not going to lie sharing the words in the picture above scares me a little. I know I would never be judged for them and I know your opinion of me probably won't change one bit. I am still D.A.T A.S.S. (hehe).  

Not only do I now feel complete (for now. hehe) in where we are. I have also found a friend who I feel is quickly becoming my bestie (don't wanna jinx it so shhhhhh. hehe). We talk practically every day and we have so much in common. She is a little like me and just learned this side of her shortly before me. She started her journey only a month before me. Our birthday is in the same month. We are both Hello Kitty and Chaco Cat (Hello Kitty's best friend) addicts. The list could go on my friends. I am so so happy that I met this lovely lady. I will forever be grateful to LK and Mr. Fox for the wonderful community they created that allowed me to met such wonderful people just like me. 

I know my topics seem to be the same thing lately. hehe. Right now these are the things that have me waking up every morning and being the best me I can be. These are the things that make me jump for joy and these are the things I want to scream from the rooftops. Never in my life did I ever think I could be this happy this young but it has happened and I want to share it with the world! :) 

Subbies

I have met so many wonderful people in the last few months since we started this lifestyle and I am forever honored to call them all my friends. Without each and everyone one of them I wouldn't be where I am today. Just having them there to laugh with changes my day in an instant.

Two of these lovely subbie sisters have become very dear to my heart. :) 

One is a subbie sub and one is a subbie little and I cherish them both dearly! :) 

It means so much to me that they get so excited to talk with me. I have never felt so loved in my life. Didn't grow up with a lot of friends. lol. 

I have to give a shout out to LK and Mr. Fox. If it wasn't for this lovely couple creating the wonderful community they did I would have never met either of these lovely subbie sister. So thank you very much for all you do for the D/s community! You are both a truly amazing couple and I am so glad I know you and can call you friends.

Maybe someday I will divulge their names. :) For now I hope these subbies now how much they mean to me! :)

Have a subtastic day subbies! :)

Tomorrow Tomorrow...

Well tomorrow is the big day. Sir goes in for his hernia repair. 

I have mixed emotions. 

This is our third surgery in two years, second hernia repair in a year. 

I am excited because that puts us on the road to recovery and gets us closer to getting back to playtime.

 On the other hand Sir is not a very nice person while recovering from this kind of surgery and since its been a rough few months I am hoping I can power through one more month without turning into a prickly brat. 

I know I have lots of people thinking happy thoughts for us tomorrow as Sir goes through the procedure and I am so appreciative.

Less then twelve hours to go.

See you on the flipside. hehe

Baby Girl???

Recently a fellow subbie sister, Phoenix, answered a question on LK's forum in regards to DD/bg (DaddyDom/babygirl). When the original question was asked I never thought it could be me. I mean my dad still calls me babygirl so it seemed weird to me that my Sir would call me the same and it would be different. Not that I thought DD/bg was incest play or whatever. I just couldn't see how I could differentiate. Then Phoenix swooped in with her beautiful response and truly opened my eyes and made me see, not only DD/bg differently but also myself.


I skipped being a kid altogether. My mom was sick and my dad was always deployed and I am the oldest child. So I took care of my sisters and that was that. Didn't really think much of it. Then I was 18 years old and on my own. I still enjoyed the Disney channel, Hello Kitty, Tinkerbell, polishing my nails in fun colors. At the age of 19 and moving in with my grandparents my bed sheet set was Tinkerbell. None of this seemed weird to me. It's still not weird to me but Phoenix's comments made me look at it all differently. When I met my husband my now Sir I still enjoyed all of that but he called it silly and didn't understand. So over time I stopped watching them and stopped enjoying the me things. Started becoming more of an "adult" or what I thought an adult was and what they did and put away the "childish" things. I do acknowledge that my interests in the above listed things don't automatically mean I am a babygirl so lets keep reading


Fast forward to November 2013 when my Sir asks me if I would be interested in being tied down and further research and communication brought us into the D/s-M lifestyle. Then fast forward to a couple weeks ago to the day I read the comments from Phoenix. I now look at things I do or how I act and realize I need to be "dealt with" differently. I don't think I am just a submissive. I think I am a babygirl too with the potential of being a masochist but that's a different post itself. I act out not because I want punishment or because I am just having an off day. I do it because I don't feel Sir is paying any attention to me. I end up getting myself in trouble of course but that was not the original intent. Phoenix said she has more rules then her subbie friends. I don't have many rules at the moment but I want a lot of rules. My life is made so much easier and more enjoyable when Sir just tells me what to do. Tells me what he expects from. When he controls every part of my life. My eating habits, exercise, bedtime, tv time, phone time, cleaning schedule, to do list, grocery list, shopping list, my purchases, etc. I explain to Sir that I don't want to think for myself. When I think for myself I get stressed an overwhelmed and eventually start to spiral a lot more frequently then I think most subbies. When he tells me what to do when to do it and I know what is expected of me every minute of every day I feel free. I could be completely wrong or simply misunderstanding about what a babygirl is however when I think about being a babygirl that puzzle piece just fits for me. I am still having a hard time explaining it in words so bare with me. :)

I am still reading up on the whole idea of course and Sir and I are trying to figure out how to add it in with everything. I am really excited about it all. The whole adventure is teaching me so much about myself I didn't know. I don't know how I lived my life up to this point without it all. :)