Sir requested a post about what we've done and what I need to keep me in the mindset. This whole notebook is full of what we've done so I am not sure what needs to be said in that regards or if he is looking for something specific. I do realize that bath time was the last "scene" I posted on but since then there hasn't really been any scenes. Sir cuffed me and made me orgasm twice which was blissful but I wish there would have been more to it. I know he was trying to help me learn to orgasm more easily. Which is something I struggle with but that night didn't have much happen that needed a post. Then since then we had vanilla with a twist sex. I was cuffed and Sir fucked and spanked me but I think it lasted all of 30 minutes. I am by no means saying I do not appreciate any of it. Some contact from Sir is better then no contact. All I am saying is none of that really feeds me or at least I don't feel feed after that I feel as though Sir has been feed which is great. I haven't orgasmed at least the last two times we have had sexual intercourse of any kind. Which only makes me feel like we are going backwards not forwards. I know Sir is busy with school right now and now there is another hernia surgery in the future. I am trying to be as understanding as I can but this is going to fall apart if we so easily left life get in the way.
Sir and I have talked about setting a day of the week for scenes so that we get at least one a week, nourishment/maintenance spankings and downtime. We have both agreed they would be good and beneficial. However none of them have happened regularly. Sir keeps saying he doesn't feel I should be punished if I am doing everything right during the day. I don't know why he thinks its punishment to give me what I need to stay in the right mindset but its not accurate. I need the above listed things. They "feed" my sub for a lack of a better word. Without regular reminders of who I am the vanilla side of me starts creeping in and taking over which isn't that hard being that we are only two months into this.
I have asked Sir for rituals and protocols. Both of which I feel are important in a D/s marriage. However Sir seems to not think thats what we need because I don't know what they are. So I did some research. At the moment we have two written rules; 1) respectful tone; 2) phone on 'do not disturb' from 8p-4a and can only be used when Sir goes out for a smoke break unless Sir is not home then I must turn off 'do not disturb' and have my phone by me at all times. Then we have our unwritten rules: 1) I sleep with no bra on every night. If either are broken I am punished. Now the definition of a ritual is:
A religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order.
Rituals to me would be the stuff we do upon his departure from the home, upon his arrival home, before I get into bed, etc. I think it is also safe to say that downtime and maintenance spankings fall under rituals. The definition of protocols is this :
The official procedure or system of rules governing affairs of state or diplomatic occasion.
Protocols for D/s are how I am to behave in certain situations. For example, Low Protocol is for when we have vanilla friends over. I am allowed to speak freely with a respectful tone at all times and I cannot saying anything demeaning about Sir or any male in the area. Medium Protocol is for when we are not with family or friends. I am to use Sir in every text, I cannot say "ok" in response to Sir, I must maintain a respectful tone, take care of Sir's needs, etc. Lastly, High Protocol is for playtime where I am not to speak unless spoken too.
Rituals are not something we have in place yet but we need. Protocols are not really enforced. Sir doesn't say much and it drives me nuts. I am not directed during any form of intercourse or even during the day. I am not directed during downtime. Sir generally just calls me over and points or assumes I know what he wants me to do. When he starts a scene Sir doesn't say anything again he just calls me over and physically directs me. During a scene once again Sir doesn't say anything and I am not sure what he wants me to do. Mr. Fox actually just wrote a blog post about this the other day. I know Sir reads his posts I just wish he started putting some of it into practice. I am not trying to make our D/s-m look like theirs but some of what they have is what we need and mostly what I want. I don't need a 3 hour scene every other day but I do need little things like rituals either every day, every other day or every few days that remind me who I am. I am tried of having to find my own ways of reminding myself who I am without Sir's direction. Which is only satisfying about 50% of the time.
We started off so well and it might have been to much to quickly but now almost two months in it was better then what's going on right now. I feel like Sir isn't enforcing anything we agreed on and I am "getting away" with stuff. I do not enjoy punishments by any means but I do enjoy his control over me and currently I am missing it.
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