It's in these moments that I realize how much I truly need my Sir and his Dominance over me. It's also in these moments that I am reminded I am a submissive and no matter how much I might question that it is true.
As a newbie I find myself during low points telling myself I am crazy for wanting this life. I mean why would I willingly want to be told what to do and be given guidelines to follow that have punishments If not followed.
The answer to that is because it frees me from myself. My brain runs nonstop!! I am constantly worrying about anything and everything and making myself paranoid about stuff that hasn't happened and might not ever happen. It's a crazy hectic world inside my head. I have not learned how to slow it down.
(A little background)
Growing up I became an "adult" at age 6. I had two little sisters one was 4 years old and the other a newborn baby only a few months old. My mom was sick with epilepsy and my dad was active duty military and on deployment a lot. So I stepped up and stepped in. From that point forward I had two sometimes three people to worry about between my mom and my sisters. Hence the constant worrying now. My mom didn't really get well enough to handle parenting until I was in high school and by then I was no longer a child as much as they tried to make me just be a kid.
So when Sir tells me my chores for the days or what he expects from me, whether he knows this or not, it frees me from anything and everything else I could possibly worry about that day because I have now been told what to focus on and nothing else, besides the children and whatever else Sir might need, matters.
As Sir and I step further into our roles and learn more about who we are in our roles; I know this will only get better and I am so excited for the journey regardless of how dark it can get sometimes!
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